Me again (a little reflection on 2011)

This is not my dog. This is me.

I'm not the type of person who often looks at the past with an abundance of fondness or regret. I've also never been the type to get "homesick." To me that says I subconsciously try to forge forward and move on. I look to the present and to the very near future. It's not always easy. 2011 was not full of triumphs for me. Perhaps in the long run that'll make it easier to forget.

My first complaint is that I barely read anything this year. This might sound like a minor thing to you. It isn't. I've been rather upset with myself for the amount of time I wasted neither reading nor writing. What's worse is that I still find setting everything else aside to read a book difficult. I'm distracted by life. I can't focus on the words on the page for very long. The times when I find I can are shortly followed by the drooping of my eyelids and fitful sleep.

Since I haven't been reading it's also a safe assumption that I haven't done as much writing as I've wanted. To be fair I have worked on Rise of the Carrion a fair bit and am now over 2/3rds of the way into what I've outlined. The word count is appropriately large and getting larger (albeit sluggishly). I do not relish the thought of editing the beastly manuscript it will become.

That's not to say 2011 has been all "doom and gloom." Just the majority of it. On top of my usual motivation struggles I've had mounting professional and personal issues to deal with this year. A tumultuous life might make for great emotional fodder but I find it difficult to focus amidst the maelstrom.

The few-and-far-between bright spots this year are made all the brighter by the fact that the vast majority has been so dark. Maybe it's true that you can't have highs without lows. Maybe it's just that you can't win them all. In any case I prefer not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Right now I'm merely being carried along by the current of events. No decisions to make and no chances to take. Soon enough things will calm back down and settle into a new form of normalcy. I'm hoping to post at least one more time before the end of the year. At least it won't end on such a down note.



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